Category Archives: the big picture

In Which I Whimper and Beg for Tomorrow to Be Here and Over Please God NOW

Written on December 31, 2009 by Sherrie in old friends, the big picture, what i'm thinking now
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UPDATE: Yeah, the weather gods hate me. It’s raining. We’ve put off the move until tomorrow morning. Sigh.

So, yeah. We’re moving, like, tomorrow.  And once again – for the second time in three months, I’ve had practically no help. Actually, even less help this time around, since last time, at least the Ex did give me one day and about three hours on another day. This time, it’s just me, my daughter, two of her friends (for about an hour and a half), and my cold.

And my bad back.

And my fibro which is flaring mightily due to the cold snap this week, not to mention the physical strain.

And I’m sitting here, surrounded by piles of clothes, towers of boxes, crap to do, a daughter in the bathtub, and — shit, I even have dishes to wash in the sink before I can pack them up.  Still, I think, it’s not much — we’ve already done a lot, taken one load over to the storage unit, gotten things pretty well organized for the unceremonious dumping of clothes into clean garbage bags, packed up all the books and office crap …

Then I remember we haven’t even touched the closet yet.  Then I remember we still have to load up the dishes and the pots and pans and the food oh my God in heaven. And I have to clean out the back of the truck — which, admittedly, isn’t that big of a job since we’ve kept it pretty clean all along. And figure out how to anchor all this crap down. And somehow fit a computer desk and a ladder bookcase in there, among all the boxes and bags. And make one more stop at the storage unit — can I fit it all in or am I going to have to make a separate trip to the unit?

And then I remember that I forgot to turn in the damn cable box and modem today. And then I remember the office is closed tomorrow because it’s freakin’ New Year’s Day, and what kind of idiot moves on New Year’s Day anyway?

Yeah, right. MY kind of idiot.

OK, and all that aside, here’s the really goofy part: I can’t stop smiling. Inside, I mean. My face is too tired to actually form the smile itself, but I’m happy damn it, which is kind of weird and kind of cool at the same time.

It ain’t like I won the lottery and we’re moving into some palatial estate up there, or anything. We’re moving in to a friend’s basement, for God’s sake.  I have no job up there. There’s nothing, really, that I can point to and say “That’s why I’m so giddy about this.”

But there are friends — and I’ve had those in short supply down here. Something about being a grown-up makes it hard to make friends like we used to, I think. I’ve talked to others about this and they all pretty much say the same — sure we know other people, and they’re friendly and all, and maybe we even socialize with them now and again — but none of them come remotely close to the friends we made in high school and college and shortly after. Those relationships we can pick up at a moment’s notice and rekindle without much effort at all.

Although I’ve always been pretty cool with solitude — never been much of a lonely person, even when alone — I admit that I’ve missed that proximity to true friends with a searing, aching passion. It’ll be wonderful to see them again. And for me — someone who practically lives on the computer, works on it, makes whatever living she can eke out from it, communicates with it — the fact that the mere act of seeing someone again gives me such joy speaks volumes.

About what, exactly, I’m too tired to suss out. But I’m sure it’s fraught with importance.

And now, with all that off my chest, I’m going to finish dumping clothes into plastic bags, see if I can pry the girl out of the tub so I can shower, and then collapse into bed on this New Year’s Eve well before midnight.

Happy New Year to all my friends and to those with whom I’m friendly.


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In Which I Explain My Really Long Absence

Written on November 6, 2009 by Sherrie in the big picture
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I was gonna lie and say I was on a vacation.

But the truth is that the last two months have been chaotic. Like, “Olympic-sports level” chaotic. Or, “Extreme Chaos” chaotic. Briefly, we had to move in a hurry.

See, I read that? And I laugh. Because it doesn’t even come close to illustrating the sheer mass of the crap we had to cope with in the last two months.

And during all this time, there was a brief little bandwidth dispute with my hosting company that escalated into a full-fledged entrenchment, and dragged on, and on, and on … and the sites were the victims. No, the readers were the victims. And for that, I apologize. But we got it all straight, in the end.

It was a real eye-opener, I have to admit. A growing experience, too. For the first time in a really long time I was faced with a seemingly insurmountable task, and I had to do it alone. And that wasn’t all — of course, life went on during the time I had to deal with the move and all that meant, and sometimes life goes awry, so there were all the myriad little “issues” to deal with as well. You know the ones – the “we’re out of cat food,” “I need paper for school,” “the bathroom toilet is leaking” issues that never go away but seem to have a penchant for waiting to spring themselves on you all at once.

And this time, that big move was the background, foreground, and every single visual element of the portrait that was my life for the last two months. It affected everything. Trust me, you don’t know hairy-scary-overwhelm until you have to find a new place AND move in two weeks with a small child and NO help.

And some things? Did not get done. And I can say with all accuracy and personal integrity that I am (mostly) OK with that. I am not the kind of person that … OK, I admit it, I freak right the hell out when things go undone.  I truly do. But this time, I managed it. I accepted my limitations, and I embraced the knowledge that I was doing my best like the lifesaver it was.

So, we’re back! I’m back. I’m well, or at least as well as can be expected. And I have television and home internet access again! So, y’know. There’s that.


baby steps

Written on January 30, 2009 by sherrie in beach life, the big picture, what i'm thinking now
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Believe it or not, according to my records this is my first blog post in about six months (excluding posts at my law practice blog).

This from the woman who ran, at one time, no less than 9 blogs simultaneously.

The reasons behind my disappearance from the blogosphere were mostly self-imposed – no, scratch that. Entirely self-imposed. I wanted to see if I could do it — step back from this mad habit — and I wanted to see what my life was like without it.

Conclusions: Yes. And “OK, but I don’t prefer it as a way of life.”

There was more to it, of course. There were projects that demanded attention, and there were major lifechanges brewing in the French Press of Life that had to be Attended To.  Mostly, it was a decision based on need: time management needs, psychological needs, and professional needs.

So, over the last six months or so, I’ve had the opportunity to do some deep-level thinking about life, the universe and everything and while I don’t have the final score yet, I can most readily assure you that not one of my answers is “42.”  (Ironically, though, that is my age. But it’s not an answer, because age is irrelevant.)

Some of the blogs, I’m keeping. The Inspired Solo was helpful, and can still be. I may not be the person to run it any longer, but up it will stay, at least for the time being. The SC Bankruptcy & Consumer Law Blog will be transferred to the wonderful Däna Wilkinson, who has graciously allowed me to come back from time to time and post some thoughts as a non-lawyer.

Oh, yeah. That.

Sorry to bury the lede, but that’s pretty much indicative of my thoughts on this particular decision. For many reasons, none of which I can discuss here yet, I’ve decided to retire from the practice of law, as soon as I get this current crop of clients shepherded through their cases. And oddly, after ten years of angst-ridden internal debate on the question, now that I’ve finally decided, it’s no longer a big deal to me. Not even close to being the biggest thing I’ve got going on right now.

It’s a serious deal, to be sure. This is not the kind of thing you can just shut the door on, or delete a website and be done with it. There are matters to be handled, in particular ways. There are people to be helped. There are papers to be signed, and disclosures to be made, and I’ve made them – or will make them at the appropriate point. So, serious. But not important personally.

What is important: the projects in my Things window –

  • Moving back home to the Tar Heel state, and all that implies (packing up, securing housing, finding a part-time job, warning my brother and sister-in-law so they can make plans to be on vacation the week I need help moving in, that kind of thing)
  • Helping the daughter prepare for the big move (a task unto itself)
  • Dealing with the thing that brought me here (how vague)
  • And launching my new full-time freelance writing career

About that last: I’m scared, hell yes. It’s a scary, scary thing. But it excites me in a way that is new and wonderful, and it’s not mere denial. I mean, I know how scary it is! And I want to do it anyway. This? It’s a huge risk. And it’s one I simply have to take on myself. I simply cannot turn another year older with this “should I or shouldn’t I?” crap still roiling inside my head. Time to answer the question, and the only way to answer it definitively, is to do it, and give it my all. Whatever happens from there I’ll accept. I may grumble and/or rage but I’ll accept.

What I can no longer accept: living life mindlessly, doing the things I “ought” to be doing because I “should” and because it’s what “others” “expect.” I’m sick of living life in the quote marks. Full stop.

So, some housekeeping: we’re moving from here to a new domain: www.sherriesisk.com. That will happen over the next few days. I’ll keep the posts to date up here, as well, at least for the time being, but old posts will also migrate over there.

Aaaand … I’ll keep ya posted.


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